the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
