We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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