Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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