Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
