I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
