just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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