That's when you crack a 10am beer
he thought i was a dude.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
