We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
