I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
