So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
