Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
