And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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