I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
