When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
