Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
