Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
