Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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