we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
