it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
