you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
