yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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