I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
