Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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