Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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