You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize