if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
