Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
