yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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