I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
