Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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