He told me they were just razor bumps!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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