I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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