I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
