My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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