He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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