At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
