I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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