I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
