What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
