did you get engaged???
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
