He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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