my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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