Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
