What did we do last night that was yellow?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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