Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm having to shit out rocks
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