that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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