You can't motorboat a personality
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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