you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We need to rekindle our bromance
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
