Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
