i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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