He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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