He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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