peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
