4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
