see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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