using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
