I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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