jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
