Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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