Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
