Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
