dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize