You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
