woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
