I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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