its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
