If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
