I looked at my own cervix.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
