He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
