I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
