rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
