eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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