a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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