ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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