We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm always down for nudity.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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