That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
