Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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