Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
