He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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